29 April 2009


And a youth said, "Speak to us of Friendship."

Your friend is your needs answered.

He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside.

For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."

And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;

For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.

If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.

For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?

Seek him always with hours to live.

For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

28 April 2009

La La La


Current mood: disappointed
Category: Life
I've come to grips with my reality, which is? I'm okay today. It's just okay. It's okay to be alone, it's okay to have friends. It's okay to spend the day on the computer, it's okay to sleep. It's okay to work with my hands on my knees in the dirt, it's okay to dress all pretty and feminine just for myself. It's okay to listen to music some may believe is ridiculous, it's okay to dance my heart out. It's just okay.
You know I've spent a lot of time with myself lately. . .lol, hey it's okay! And I sit and wish I were with someone else. But really? who? who would think I wasn't boring, while I sit here bored with myself? think about it. . .so, shucks. . .unless I like where I'm at and what I'm doing, I'd rather not share my blah blah. . .I wanna share my life, the living of it, not the whining, or the trauma's, not the sadness (though that's always a part we can't avoid), but the joy of it!
And I've prayed and I've pleaded and I've wished and I've gotten angry. . .in the end, or shall I say, for right now. . .it's just okay. I get what ever I may get. It's the outlook I've noticed that's part of the answer. I'll keep pushing forward, hold onto the ledge my friend, and then? Well, is it okay today?
It's okay to look at a puddle, watch the ripples, if that's all you have left to appreciate on the worst of days. It's okay to shed a tear, let it out and breath a sigh of fresh air, when it's all done. It's okay to laugh like it's the funniest thing you've ever heard. Okay to look someone in the eye and say, "no, I disagree". Doesn't mean I don't care, just means I disagree. . .and well, what am I really blogging about?
I guess, I'm just reminding myself, it's okay, to just be okay. Is that okay with you?

07 April 2009

Here I sit. . .

This is amazing, I'm stumped!

I'm just sitting here,
mouth ajar,
shoulders hunched,
tears just waiting to erupt. . .for what?
I'm at a loss for brain waves.
What just happened?

Do I start making fun of myself now?
Lighten the heaviness in my chest?
Or should I just unload my confusion on this site. . .
(no one's gonna see it anyway. . .)
heck, if I knew what I'm even thinking maybe I'd get a clue?

There's always something, isn't there?
Someone says a word out of place,
maybe you forget something important,
sometimes it can just be the weather.
Yet, there's always something.
Now if I could only find out what the hell it is!

I've been teetering back and forth between the best of myself,
and the aftermath of the worst of myself. . .
It's been an interesting battle,
sometimes I wait on the side lines, rooting for the hometeam,
other times I'm right in the thick of it,
and again even more so,
I wonder how to take myself totally out of the equation.
Not get in my own way, so to speak. . .
It's not that simple.
Never has been,
It may feel like it's easy on a good day,
but on one of these moments (just this funky minute)
I'm stuck, and it hurts to move in any direction.
What is that?

I guess all I'm trying to do with this Blogger site is put together a page for my bestfriend. . .
which it so happens, IS ME!!!

Remind myself who I am,
What I like
What makes me tick
Share my special stuff with myself,
Sounds weird maybe, but I have a reason. . .
Got to find that joy again, that pure joy of life. . .
the joy that comes from being true to yourself. . .

So I'll paste the pics I love,
Post the sayings that touch my heart strings
Put up stuff I enjoy doing. . .maybe even memories
Imagine????
Spew my shit, share my laughter, and even confusion
at myself. . .
And when I croak, maybe I'll pass this site onto my kids?
Who knows?
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